Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My feet surprised me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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