I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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