So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
