The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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