How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
