Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
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We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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