Will you blow on my dice?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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