My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You smell like stripper and shame
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Randomize
