You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
