Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You were trust falling into bushes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
