I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.