we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.