So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.