in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.