My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
we're so committed to being not committed