In the future we'll all be gay
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?