Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
