I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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