is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize