Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
