so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
