I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
