You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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