come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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