my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
