I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
