I hate your face
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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