the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
