his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
