woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
