I must be too annoying 4 u.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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