i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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