nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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