just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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