I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
