Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
