what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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