hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
