I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize