My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
