shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
