Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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