shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
