giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
