If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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