You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You may now shotgun with the bride
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
