Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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