i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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