we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
