NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
