What a fucking waste of an outfit
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
