The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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