is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
