someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
