Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
