I think i peed on brittanys purse
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
