Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
