Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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