I think I died a long time ago.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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