worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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